Best John Mulaney Quotes That Inspire You

Best John Mulaney quotes are some of the funniest sayings you will discover. Before reading the best john Mulaney quotes let’s take a look at who is John Mulaney.

John Mulaney is an American writer, actor, producer, and standup comedian. He is in the headlines since 2008 and is best known for his performance in Saturday nightlife and his specials comedy.

He was young when he entered show business in junior high instead of reports he asked their teacher with his friend to allow them to perform what they learn in the format of the skit. These john Mulaney quotes to inspire you a lot.

After his graduation, he moved to new york and doing hard work to pursue his dream of becoming a famous comedian. He got an office job at comedy central after few years late he was hired in the SNL writing team then he wrote some best of his iconic sketches.

Mulaney is one of the funniest and most talented comedians whatever he is performing on stage or behind the scenes. He also debuts in the film industry voicing peter porker in the computer-animated film spider man into the spider verse in 2018.

Best John Mulaney Quotes 

“You can’t always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.”

“I do longer runs on things, a lot of stories. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I’ve always been long-winded.”

“Things don’t exist until they exist.”

“Excuse me: I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I’m new in town.”

“I don’t make plans anymore. So I’m not living minute to minute.”

best john mulaney quotes
Best john mulaney quotes

“You all have a relative who is an expert even though they really don’t know what they’re talking about.”

“You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.”

“It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them – especially when you were supposed to do them. In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.”

“Why do people shush animals? They’ve never spoken.”

“The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.”

“I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die.”

“The Doula” was and is a very, very special episode to me because I think it’s very funny and very weird and it also is 100 percent based on my life, in that I fainted three times during Sex Ed in real life the three different years.”

“Why do people shush animals? They just go ‘Shhh, hey, shhh.’ They’ve never spoken.”

“In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.”

“If it’s something very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it’s truly funny, then it’s worth doing. Things aren’t worth doing for the sake of being controversial.”

“I like the idea that what I do might be mainstream. Might be.”

“Understudies don’t normally get invited to openings.”

“I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.”

“I’ll book a ticket on some garbage airline. I don’t wanna name an actual airline so let’s make one up, lets’s just call it Delta Airlines.”

“You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.”

“I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.”

“I just watched a ton of comedy and saw a ton of different styles, and eventually you think, ‘Oh, yeah, I could be like that.”

“If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.”

“My childhood was completely dominated by Bill Clinton and the OJ trial. I don’t think we had a family dinner where one didn’t come up.”

“Comfort is everything. You start doing something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out and you get beautiful toddlers.”

“All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it.”

“I plan to join the ‘SNL’ band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I’ll be sure to look right into the camera.”

“I don’t look older, I just look worse.”

john mulaney quotes

“I kind of thought, wouldn’t it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of the mainstream?”

“People having expectations maybe means they’ve enjoyed what I’ve done.”

“The being president looks like the worst job in the world.”

“I’ve always believed that you are often needless. You don’t need to hear why people are friends, you don’t need to hear why people are roommates, you don’t need to hear why someone would help a friend to do something.”

“I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I’ve always enjoyed it. There’s just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.”

“I quit drinking because I used to drink too much, then I would blackout, and I would ruin parties.”

“Stand-up for me is just my opinions on things, so it wouldn’t be as fun translated into a sketch. Nor would a sketch be as fun if it were me standing there saying it.”

“There are a lot of great jokes you can sit down and write, but that’s just a written joke, versus the comedy of the situation. Ideally, you’re pulling as much comedy out of the situation as you can.”

“Maybe I just have high self-esteem, but I have a lot that I really enjoy.”

“Now, I don’t know if you’ve been following the news, but I’ve been keeping my ears open and it seems like everyone everywhere is super mad about everything all the time.”

“I definitely look like a toddler. I feel comfortable and I have a lot of fun out there [John Mulaney Show]. And if I were to be extremely egotistical, I’d say I got a tiny bit better.”

“It’s important to remember that life is a joke and that outlook grants a lot of perspectives, but I don’t think comedy should change and become political due to other things. It should just laugh at that cosmic joke that life is all the time.”

“I really set out to do this traditional looking and traditional sounding multi-cam sitcom, but then make the world as elastic as an animated show could be. Make the world as surreal as we wanted it to be.”

“I’m a very straightforward person. But that’s fine for a comedian. Because a lot of times you’re talking about everyone else.”

“It was funny to be an emcee because you’re so at the mercy of the club. You can show up for the weekend hoping to get the $400 – and get fired. I had to prank whoever they told me to prank.”

“In every case, I find pre-planning noble, but not always that useful in comedy. You know comedy once you’re doing it.”

“I wish I could go tell 12-year-old me like I don’t worry that you just fainted in front of all the girls, one day you’ll be able to make this into an episode of TV.”

“I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.”

“I’ve done festivals in the past where I’d be a guest, it was like, Wow, maybe someday I could play Town Hall – but that’ll be a long way off. So it’s very exciting.”

“My standup persona is like I’ll heighten things, but I’m observing the world as it is in sort of a heightened emotional state.”

“An episode that is near and dear to my heart is the entire cast in one room for the night because we get bed bugs in our apartment building so we have to stay with Martin Short.”

“There’s [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn’t try to put in, I would try to have someone just speak extemporaneously in the middle of a scene about an episode of “Law and Order” or something.”

“I look back on being 17 and think, ‘Oh my God, how did I not die?”

“Going on the road for long stretches can seem daunting, and I certainly miss being home sometimes, but the chance to see so many different cities, let alone perform in them, is something I am really grateful for.”

“You remember being 12, when you’re like, ‘No one looks at me or I’ll kill myself.’”

“Having done stand-up on television and in stand-up specials for like Comedy Central, you learn quickly that for that type of performance you’re playing to the camera.”

“I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.”

“I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. And I tried it, and I walked much faster.”

“I’m a very lucky person. I’m an idiot, and I’ve shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don’t feel like I deserve good treatment.”

“I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die.”

quotes john mulaney

“Late at night, on the street, women will see me as a threat. That is funny, yeah! It’s kind of flattering in its own way, but at the same time, it’s weird because, like, I’m still afraid of being kidnapped.”

“It’s really fun to be writing and producing your own sketches. You almost have more control.”

“My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.”

“Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome.”

“With the first episode [of John Mulaney Show] I tell a story that happened to me accidentally chasing a woman down the subway.”

“I have tons of jokes with moments in them over the years in stand-up that don’t get a laugh but I love them so they stay.”

John Mulaney Quotes About College

“College was like a four-year game show called “Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep?.”

“The greatest assembly of them all, once a year, was Stranger Danger. The hottest ticket in town. The Bruno Mars of assemblies.”

“In their letter, they were like, ‘Hey, it’s been a while since you’ve given us money.’ I was like, ‘Hey, it’s been a while since you housed and taught me.”

“I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to read Jane Austen, and then I didn’t.”

John Mulaney Quotes About School

“As I got into high school and after puberty, I was a little more inward. I was a real extrovert when I was little, but I don’t know, I just got quieter… With my friends, I was still an extrovert.”

“If you are a school student, your opinion does not matter.”

john mulaney quotes about school

“As I got into high school and after puberty, I was a little more inward. I was a real extrovert when I was little, but I don’t know, I just got quieter With my friends, I was still an extrovert.”

Hope you like the john Mulaney quotes share a favorite quote in the comment section below.

Read also: liberty prime quotes

Leave a Comment